can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
