from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
