bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
