Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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