I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
