I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize