its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize