Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
