you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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