I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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