I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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