dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
