Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
