Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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