Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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