Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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