Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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