remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
