i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
