ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
