once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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