I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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