Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
