you're like a bully in the Christmas story
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i drank out of a bidet.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize