I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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