I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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