just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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