apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
