Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
