wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Small penises have feelings too.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
