I love how my cats smell like pot.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
