I'm passing your future prison.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
