Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.

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(515): View more from Iowa

Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?

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(334): View more from Alabama

nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.

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(516): View more from New York

is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out

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(919): View more from North Carolina

You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell

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(712): View more from Iowa

I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now

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(514): View more from Quebec

These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs

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