What a fucking waste of an outfit
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
