I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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