i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Your penis caused this!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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