big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
