I'm so fucking centered right now
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
