we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
