quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
