the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
