the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
