you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize