do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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