Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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