Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
