Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Fuck appropriateness.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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