I wish I could punch you in the face.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
