Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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