i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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