she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
