I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
