Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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