Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
