is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
