You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
