I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
