In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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