No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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