i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
