While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
