I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Less talking, more tequila
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
