sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
