Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
