i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She needs sedatives and a leash
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
