I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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