Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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