You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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