you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
