What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
whose parrot is this?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
