fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
