I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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