He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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