I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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