Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize