DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
