Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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