Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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