Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
