Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
