So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Randomize
