So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
