Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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