i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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