She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
