HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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