I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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