Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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