I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
