No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Randomize
