For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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