i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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