thus making me awesome and them whores
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The power of my boobs compel you
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
