he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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