He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
