i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
