I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I want her autograph on my taint
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
