it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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